“I do not want to be like a small animal bitten by a snake, going stiff with that poison. I want to bite back.” Yvette Christiansë, Unconfessed
Karma is a bitch. On May 1, 2015, I posted a blog admitting that I detested reading about menopause because everything I read was so negative, focusing on evil symptoms like hot flashes, fading libidos, dry, irritated vaginas and the like. Then I presented a more positive view of perimenopause…, which was a very nice perspective.
And surely the gods laughed because it is now perfectly clear that my May 1 post was written by a woman, who up to that point, had never experienced a blazing hot flash that left her swimming inside her clothing, painful intercourse or sudden onset insanity…I mean, mood swings. Yes, please pray for my husband; I think he may need support from non-hormonal friends. And the poor customer service people at Starbucks who were trying to help me after my app crashed….They had no idea what they were up against. Now that I’m sane again (who knows how long this will last), I cringe over the e-mails I sent to Starbucks. I used to be so nice in those situations….
Now, I’ve read a lot about menopause so I knew what to expect. (Cue hysterical laughter.) Yet, like having sex, reading about it and experiencing it is a wee bit different. I also know that women experience this life stage differently: some sail through with minimal or no upset, others, well, others become batshit crazy. I was hoping to be amongst the former. Fortunately, I have options. In fact, I’ve made an appointment to get on bioidentical hormones as soon as I can get in the door, desperately hoping they help as much as promised. I’ll keep you posted.
On the more serious side, I’m not about to set aside my ability to enjoy sexual pleasure due to symptoms of menopause if I can help it. Very simply, it took me far too many years to get here, to work through shame and sexual wounding and to get to a place where I enjoy sex. I’m not about to stew in this awful place if I can possibly help it. And I really don’t like being a sweaty, irrational, bitchy woman—I mean, I’ve always had my moments (who hasn’t?), but I’d like to think I’m really not that crazy woman coming unglued because her app won’t work.
While I don’t plan to turn my blog into a “menopause is horrible” blog, I may toss in an update from time to time. I’m hoping it’s good news!
Next week: An update after one year of blogging